You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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