it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
