as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize