Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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