Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
