I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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