There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize