You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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