Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my liver is dry heaving
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
