i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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