it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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