You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
