is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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