Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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