saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize