Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
be right there i have to get my cape
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
