Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize