I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
