Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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