Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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