An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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