Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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