was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
