I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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