I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
