Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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