oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
