Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
