I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have fence marks all over my body
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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