Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
