If i come over, it means nothing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
