have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
MIDGETS
????
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
