He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
