I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
