I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
