apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
