In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
