she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
