you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
