I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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