dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
