I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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