I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
