Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
