why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
