I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
