i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
