After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
