So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
