I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
