woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
