We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
