I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
