I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
