I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize