Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
