he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
