You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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