this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
