I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
