my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
