FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize