I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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