Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize