Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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