Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sorry about my life...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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