Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
