i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
